I've had my share of the usual nightmares about free-falling down an elevator shaft, or being locked in a basement with a psycho-killer, or running naked through a crowded roomful of strangers. You know it's an extra bad one when all three are happening at once, and it turns out you're not asleep."Stay away from me, you stay away!" I warned the captain. Hugging my bare breasts, I stood poolside dripping wet under the cover of an electrical blackout he'd obviously made happen. We'd always been better together in the dark. "I know who you are now!" I said, searching desperately for my clothes.
"Enlighten me, please," he said, exhaling. "One of us should know." He was reclining on a nearby lounge chair, sneaking a smoke. "Anyone ever tell you you've got one hell of a good looking silhouette?"
I ran for the cover of the shower room to find a pool towel to wrap myself in. "Alright, sorry," he called after me. "Being a gentleman gets old -- right along with the rest of this bunk." His campaign victory party raged on overhead.He got up and followed me, standing in the doorway in a sliver of moonlight streaming in from a sidewalk level window. "Would you mind telling me what you're so jumpy about tonight?" Cornered now, I saw a fire hatchet inside a glass case. Inching toward it, I pointed a finger in his dimly lit face. "You and Dr. Hollister knew each other."
"Wow. Where'd you hear that?" He seemed genuinely impressed with my detective work.
"Oh my God. It's true." I'd been hoping he'd at least try to deny it. "You wanted your buddy to get off on a technicality. You used me to make sure of that."
When he took a step toward me to flick his cigarette into the toilet, I grabbed the hammer beneath the case. "Get back.""Okay, look," he said. "I don't know what you think you know, but I met Hollister once or twice, hiking Griffith Park. Nice guy, or so I thought, took a look at my trick knee. None of it even clicked with me until I heard the suspect was a deaf doctor, and what did it really matter? I'd have been happy to disclose our passing acquaintance under oath, if it ever came to that."
"How could it? He ended up dead in your wife's custody!" I shot back. "Wasn't that convenient."
"Okay, now you're being ridiculous. Jesus, what's with the lights, already?" Flicking his Zippo, he felt around the wall for the fuse box, revealing his holstered gun. Spooked into action, I smashed the glass and grabbed the hatchet inside. "There's a hit squad operating inside the department," I said, holding it out in front of me. "I think you're the one running it."He looked around for the hidden cameras, convinced all this must be some kind of joke. "Jesus Christ, Cherry. You are in so far over your head right now. We don't compromise internal investigations."
"You think you're the only one privy to inside information? You needed that freak to make your dead bodies disappear before anybody missed them. Really, the whole plan was genius. You could sell it to Hollywood."
"Rita double-crossed the feds and Mo K both. She had the goods on all of you, so you killed her -- and you did it right in front of me, since you knew I was blind. What you didn't know is that I was the one with the evidence you came looking for -- even I didn't know that. I tried to give it all back to Agent Knowles, but proof of your dirty doings is the last thing she wanted."
I should have stopped there, given the situation, but something told me he wouldn't hurt me -- not like this. Part of him might even be relieved to know somebody truly got him. Girls always think that when we fall for some brute, until he bites back, and then for some reason we're caught off guard. "Mo K must have tried to blackmail you with what he knew," I pressed on, "so you got rid of him, too. I was your last loose end. You figured if I got to keep the diamonds I wouldn't work too hard at giving over the rest of it. What you didn't count on was falling for me, which is the only reason I'm still standing here."
"Not bad," he said, mulling over my theory. "I'm seeing means and opportunity for my alleged killing spree, but you seem to be missing a motive. We can pretty much rule out love. I've got more power than I know what to do with. Fame? Fortune? That's your game, kid.""Try revenge. These were dirty little losers who had to be put down for the greater good, otherwise known as you. You gave up on playing by the rules when some maniac got away with murdering your son."
The lights flipped on, blindingly bright. Matt Muñoz stood in the doorway pointing a gun at me. "Police! Drop the weapon!""No, wait," I pleaded. "He's the bad guy."
"You said that last time."
"Listen to me, Matt. I know this sounds crazy, but he's a contract killer."
The two of them exchanged a look: women. "Apparently she's in some kind of a play right now," the captain said. I should have let him have it with the hatchet just for that. When Muñoz cocked his gun, the obvious finally hit me. "You're one of them," I gasped. "You're his henchman, always showing up out of nowhere."
"She's got a point," the captain chimed in."I was looking for the john," Matt said. "Now drop that thing, Cherry, it's ridiculous." Not about to go down quietly, I reached out to pull the fire alarm. An ear piercing scream was followed by a gush of water from the overhead sprinklers.
Things only got more shrill from there, what with the press already swarming the place like sharks -- and me losing my towel in the melee. Wouldn't you know I'd end up in yet another high profile sex scandal in the company of not one but two guys I never slept with.
Anyway, the big story of the night would be the body of a former Beverly Hills madame and party hostess -- last seen alive with me -- found dead at the bottom of an elevator shaft. As far as classic nightmares went, I was three for three. 